How to Stop Your Readers from Constantly Shifting Gears

“I never leave a sentence or paragraph until I’m satisfied with it.” —Clifford Geertz

by Alvimann

by Alvimann

Have you reread paragraphs to understand what they said?

Most authors write confusing paragraphs in their drafts. If left in books, these paragraphs cause readers to shift into Reverse. Some shifts are small, and readers accept them. But when readers shift gears often, they become weary and might put the book down. Possibly not knowing why.

Can you spot the shifts in these sentences and paragraphs?

Example 1

  • Janice cried all day when she read the letter of biting words from Mark.

Gear shift

  • Why did Janice cry all day? Shift. Oh, because of Mark’s biting words.

Better Sentence

  • When Janice read Mark’s biting words in his letter, she cried all day. (stimulus then reaction – flows without a hitch)

Example 2

  • Image courtesy of Daniel St.Pierre at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

    Image courtesy of Daniel St.Pierre at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

    The waiters hoped the customers wouldn’t order dessert. They’d heard that Karl wouldn’t deliver his famous cream puffs by lunchtime. Karl had called the maître d’ and said he’d lost his van keys. Unfortunately, all customers streamed to the ice cream shop after they finished their lunches and ordered cream puffs.

Gear shift

  • The sentences are ordered so reactions come before their stimuli. Having to mentally reorder stimuli and reactions to capture the picture is tiring.

Better Paragraph

  • The maître d’ informed the waiters Karl had lost his van keys. None of Karl’s famous cream puffs would be available for the lunch crowd. The waiters hoped the customers wouldn’t order dessert. Unfortunately, all the customers finished their lunches and ordered cream puffs. When they learned they’d enjoy none, they streamed to the ice cream shop.
by cohdra

by cohdra

Example 3

  • Sonya hid Angela’s birthday presents. She hoped she’d see her expression.

Gear shift

  • I assume the first “she” is Sonya. But did Sonya hope to see Angela’s hurt expression? Or did Sonya hope Angela would see her smug expression?

Better Paragraph

  • Sonya hid Angela’s birthday presents. Hopefully, Angela would believe her friends had forgotten her on her birthday. Sonya pictured Angela turning to her and seeing her smug expression. (context and names replacing pronouns keep the who-did-what flowing)

Example 4

 

by mensatic

by mensatic

•  Snatching the flower from his lapel, she leaped onto the trolley.

Gear shift

•  How did she snatch the flower while she leaped onto the trolley?

Better Sentence

•  She snatched the flower from his lapel and leaped onto the trolley. (“and” is sufficient to show the latter action followed the first)

by mrmac04

by mrmac04

Example 5

  • Edgar cut the vines and carried them to Alice, whose blond ringlets cascaded down each side of her lovely face. He wound them around her slim waist.

Gear shift

  • Did Edgar wind Alice’s ringlets or the vines around her waist?

Better Paragraph

  • Edgar cut the vines and carried them to Alice, whose blond ringlets cascaded down each side of her lovely face. He wound the vines around her waist. (knowing what pronouns refer to keeps the story flowing)

These writing problems cause readers to reread paragraphs to understand them. Click to tweet.

What writing problems cause you to shift gears while reading?

What Essential Stage is Missing from Your Heroine’s Journey?

“There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before.” —Willa Cather

 Image courtesy of sattva at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

                            Image courtesy of sattva at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

At the American Christian Fiction Writers conference, I attended Christopher Vogler’s workshop, “Essence of Story.” He clarified Joseph Campbell’s hero’s journey, a set of stages in the age-old three-act story. 

page1-453px-Little_Red_Riding_Hood.djvu

Modeling the stages using, Calculated Risk, would give my story away. So, I’ll use “Little Red Riding Hood” by Brothers Grimm. Visit Hero’s Journey for in-depth understanding and helpful charts.

Act 1 – Separation

 

1.  Ordinary World

Everyone loved the girl. She always wore the red riding hood her doting grandmother had made. Her grandmother called her Little Red Riding Hood.

Image courtesy of papaija2008 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of papaija2008 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2.  Call to Adventure

Little Red Riding Hood’s mother sent her with cakes to her ailing grandmother. She forbade the child to run off the path.

3.  Refusal of the Call

Little Red Riding Hood agreed to heed her mother. She refused anything but an uneventful, boring-to-the-reader day.

256px-Arthur_Rackham_Little_Red_Riding_Hood+4.  Meeting the Mentor

In the forest, Little Red Riding Hood met a wicked wolf. He obtained directions to her grandmother’s house. He advised her to collect flowers for her grandmother.

5.  Crossing the Threshold

Little Red Riding Hood received his counsel. She ran off the path and picked flowers. She crossed from her Ordinary World into a Special World.

Act 2a – Descent – Dragons (or wolves)

 

6.  Tests, Allies, Enemies

After waylaying Little Red Riding Hood, the wolf ran to the grandmother’s cottage and devoured her. He donned her clothes and got into her bed.

7.  Approaching the Inmost Cave

CottageLittle Red Riding Hood remembered her grandmother and hurried to her cottage. The open cottage door surprised her. She felt uneasy. Inside, her grandmother was in bed, her cap pulled over her face and looking strange.

Act 2b – Initiation (changes but must find her way to the right thing)

 

8.  The Crisis/Supreme Ordeal

Little Red Riding Hood questioned her grandmother’s odd features. The wolf leaped from the bed and ate her.

9.  Seizing the Reward

A huntsman heard the wolf snoring. Suspecting the wolf had eaten the grandmother, he cut the wolf open. Little Red Riding Hood sprung out, followed by her grandmother. The child collected stones, and they filled the wolf’s stomach. When he rose, he dropped dead from the heavy stones. The huntsman gained a wolf’s skin. The grandmother ate the cake and revived. The girl vowed to mind her mother and never leave the path by herself. 

Act 3 – Return (to Ordinary World)

 

10.  The Road Back

Image courtesy of anankkml at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of anankkml at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Later, Little Red Riding Hood took cakes to her grandmother again. Another wolf tried to entice her from the path. She went straight to her grandmother and told her about the wolf.

11.  The Climax/Resurrection

When no one answered his knock, the wolf waited on the roof for Little Red Riding Hood to go home. The child put cooked sausages in the trough outside. The wolf leaned over to smell them and fell into the trough and drowned.

12.  Return with Elixir

Little Red Riding Hood returned home joyously and no one harmed her again.

Consider these stages of a hero’s journey in your 3-act story. Click to tweet.

What stage is missing or weak in the story you’re reading or writing?

Tips to Connect with Readers After Your Author Events

“The future of publishing is about having connections to readers and the knowledge of what those readers want.” — Seth Godin

 

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Authors meet readers at such events as book signings, public launch parties, and library meet-the-author discussions. Some attendees would enjoy further contact with authors and subscribing to their newsletters. But not all readers.

From my research and experience with Calculated Risk, here’s a way I connected with interested readers after these events.

Image courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Authors, use obtained email addresses for one-time offers to connect with readers. Click to tweet.

 

Tip 1. Collect email addresses at all your events.

  • Have a nice giveaway for a drawing, such as a basket of book-related items or a book. On the drawing entry forms, ask for email addresses to contact winners. At the bottom include a checkbox for contestants to tick if they do NOT want email updates from you.
  • photoAt events in which you don’t offer a drawing, have a guestbook available and invite guests to sign it for updates on your books.
  • If you lead a workshop, pass around a sign-up sheet for email addresses to receive a valuable complimentary and complementary extra you’ve created for participants.

 

Tip 2. Soon after each event:

•  Eliminate the entry forms on which boxes are ticked that the contestants don’t want updates from you.

Giveaway Entry Form

•  Send a one-time email to the rest that’s honest and reads something like this:

Subject: Appreciation

Hi [contestants first name],

Thank you for participating in the drawing(s) for [title of your book and/or the giveaway] at [name/place of the event]. Winners have been notified. This is a one-time email. I respect your privacy.

If you would enjoy learning more about my books, reading fun articles, and trying recipes, I invite you to sign up for my quarterly newsletter at [give the link to your website].

Best wishes,

  • photoDrive readers to your website, where they’ll find everything you have to offer them, including your book page with buy buttons. So in your email signature give only your website link. This drives interested readers to your website, where they’ll find your social media buttons on every page. My blog is embedded in my website, making it easy for readers to visit my blog.
  • Use a Subject Title that’s less likely to be thrown into spam folders. Don’t use exclamation points or promotions words.
  • Honor recipients’ privacy. Don’t send them another email unless you’re already friends or they responded to your email. Also, either send individual emails or use the blind copy option.
  • Expect a small percent of responses. However, with a few from every author event, you’ll grow your interactions with readers and gain newsletter subscribers.

Example: I failed to ask the name of a particularly interested reader who bought a couple of books and took a picture with me at a book signing. I wished to send her a personal note. But I didn’t know which entry form for the drawing was hers. After I sent individual emails to all participants who’d allowed updates from me, she responded. We learned we’d lived a neighborhood away from each other at one time. She visited my website and signed up for my newsletter.

What other ways have you respectfully connected with readers after events?

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American Christian Fiction Writers

American Christian Fiction Writers

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