Create Dialogue That Fits Your Character

image by Sponchia

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is TYFMI30D-Print-5.75x8.89.jpeg

Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days is designed to shape a not-yet submitted, rejected, or self-published manuscript with low ratings into a book that shines. The method can also be a guiding resource for writers starting a manuscript. See details below.

You may be so into the plot that you have a character say something that doesn’t fit his education, the time period, the area he lives in, his age, his job or hobby lingo, his nature, or his beliefs. 

I had a younger character use the word chum. My editor thought a teen wouldn’t say chum. That word came from trying to write a more unique word than friend, but I pulled in a word from my mother’s era. I knew better, but I was so into what was happening that chum slipped in.

Let’s have fun. Match speakers in the first list with the the most likely dialogue bits in the second list. I’ll put my number/letter combinations at the end.

Dialogue Exercise

image by skeeze

Characters

  1. Two WWII GIs
  2. Two 1980s teens
  3. Two Yuppies
  4. Two men in rural Blue Ridge Mountains
  5. Gang members
  6. Hostess and customer
  7. Marketing Rep and his boss
  8. Writer and friend
  9. A woman and her great-granddaughter
  10. Coal miner and class member

Dialogues

a. “Cuz, you strapped?”
“You know I got no gat.”

b. “Man, the sale was a bluebird.”
“That’s what scares me. It was too easy.” 
“It was an emotional sale, but I worked with the guy calling the shots, so it’s solid.”
“Was the guy a gatekeeper or was he the decision maker? We gotta close the deal with the guy that counts.”

image by Pavlofox

c. “I been digging for black diamonds since I was eighteen. Operated an auger.”
“That sounds cool, Mr. Hatfield. I’d like digging for diamonds.”
“Son, the diamonds I’m talking about are chunks of coal. Nothing cool about ’em. Mining for coal give me the black lung.”

d. “What’s buzzin’, cousin?”
“See that dame over there waving at me. She said she’d marry me.”
“That’s swell.”

e. Gary nodded. “Let’s do lunch sometime. Thursday?”
“I’d like that.” Sharon smiled. “I’ll pencil you in.”

f. Was Camden raised in an orphanage?”
“Grams, they don’t call them orphanages anymore.”
“Sounds like you don’t know his background. I don’t want you marrying
a goldbrick on the make.”

g. “I can’t join you for lunch and shopping, Kitty.”
“I thought you worked from home. And it’s Saturday.”
“I need to work on the galley for one book and the edits for another. I have to prep for a book signing, update my website, and answer interview questions for a blog. Working as a writer isn’t as easy as you think.”
“Yes, but you don’t have to travel forty minutes to and from work like I do.”

image by Robert-Owen-Wahl

h. “Take a break. I booked that party of five. I’ll seat them.”
Shelby gathered menus and turned to the group. “Follow me, please.”
The redhead sat and opened her menu. “Do you have any items besides salads that are without meat?”
“Yes. We have vegetarian options on page two.”

i. “Hey, mall chic. You in the orange blouse.”
Heather cocked her head.”You talking to me?”
“Yeah. You want to go, like, get a burger in the food court?”
“Gag me with spoon.”
“Nah. It’d be totally tubular.”

j. “She don’t like me.”
“If you’d stop hog-tying your tongue and talk to her, maybe she’d find out whether she likes you or not.”
“Would you put in a good word for me with her?”
“Might could.”

In what movie did you especially enjoy the dialogue?

Answers: 1d; 2i; 3e; 4j; 5a; 6h; 7b; 8g; 9f; and 10c


Characters Should Say and Do Only Things That Have Purpose.

image by jhas

Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days is now available. See details below.

Writers may think characters should talk and act like real people. If a movie showed actors doing that, the theater would soon be empty. That’s why films cut to the important dialogue and actions. It’s the same with novels. 

Purposeful dialogue, inner thoughts, and actions deepen motivation, conflict, and tension.

Let’s take a look at an example.

No Purpose (reality)

“You’re back,” Alex said, looking over his newspaper. “Where’ve you been?”

“To the store.” Gretta set her grocery bag on the floor.

“Did you get milk? I’m low on milk for my morning cereal.”

“Yes.” Gretta crossed to the African violet on the window sill and plucked away brown leaves. The plant looked better. 

“Good.” Alex turned his attention to his newspaper.

Gretta moved across the room and collected a stack of folded laundry on the coffee table. “Well, I guess I should put the groceries away and get dinner started.”

Analysis: The example shows no conflict or tension to intrigue readers. Nothing is said, thought, or done that tells us something about the characters. Boring.

image by ASSA

Purpose: Show a Shaky Marriage 

“You’re back,” Alex tossed his book onto the end table. “Where’ve you been?”

Gretta set her grocery bag on the floor and planted her hands on her hips. “Where do you think I’ve been?” 

Alex checked his watch. “You’ve been gone a long time to get milk.” 

“So you think I’m having an affair?” Gretta crossed her arms over her midriff.

“I don’t know what to think anymore.” Alex stood and walked toward the back of the house, shaking his head.

Had she pushed him too far? “I stopped to look at houseplants,” she called. “Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes.”

His car keys jangled as he returned to the den.

Her heart raced. Was he leaving her for good? 

Analysis: The actions show Alex is irritated, disappointed, and has had it. Gretta’s actions tell us she’s defensive. The dialogue and Gretta’s internal thoughts show she goads then is afraid she’s gone too far. We have conflict, tension, motives, and feelings. Deeper. 

Purpose: Show a Possible Murder

“You’re back,” Alex said, looking over his newspaper. “Where’ve you been?”

“To the store.” Gretta set her bag of unnecessary groceries on the floor and concealed in her fist the bloody necklace she’d found in his car. Did he believe the store had been her one destination? If only Kirsten had come to the door when Gretta had made the detour.

“Come here.”

Her heart shot up against her throat. Would he recognize her fear if she came too close? What if he asked what was in her hand? Kirsten had always worn that necklace.

Gretta nodded toward the bag. “I should put the groceries away.” 

“Come here.” Alex laid the newspaper aside and extended his hand.

Had his voice held a slight edge? 

“Just one second.” Gretta crossed to the African violet on the window sill and plucked away brown leaves as she let the gold chain slip to the soil. She wiped her hand on her black slacks. 

“You pay more attention to that plant than to me. Maybe I’ll dump it down the garbage disposal.”

Analysis: Conflict, tension, feelings, and a good reason to pull leaves off the violet. We know Gretta suspects Alex of hurting Kirsten and is afraid of him. We see Alex is a jerk.

How do you check your paragraphs for purpose?



Buy Link

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is TYFMI30D-Print-5.75x8.89.jpeg

Zoe McCarthy’s book, Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days, is a fresh and innovative refocusing of your novel or novella. Through a few simple—and fun—steps, Zoe helps writers take their not-ready-for-publication and/or rejected manuscripts to a spit-polish finish. Writing is hard work, yes, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. —Eva Marie Everson, best-selling and multiple award-winning author, conference director, president of Word Weavers International, Inc.

If you want to increase your chance of hearing yes instead of sorry or not a fit for our list at this time, this book is for you. If you want to develop stronger story plots with characters that are hard to put down, this book is for you. Through McCarthy’s checklists and helpful exercises and corresponding examples, you will learn how to raise the tension, hone your voice, and polish your manuscript. I need this book for my clients and the many conferees I meet at writer’s conferences around the country. Thank you, Zoe. A huge, #thumbsup, for Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days.  —Diana L. Flegal, literary agent, and freelance editor

Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript is a self-editing encyclopedia! Each chapter sets up the targeted technique, examples show what to look for in your manuscript, then proven actions are provided to take your writing to the next level. Whether you are a seasoned writer or a newbie, you need this book! —Sally Shupe, freelance editor, aspiring author




Toggle panel: Yoast SEO

Yoast SEO

Speaker Attributes and Beats: They’re to Subtly Help the Reader

image by Suju

A speaker attribute is a way a person says something, such as he said, asked, whispered, or yelled. A beat is an action connected to dialogue. It reminds readers people are talking, not solely their heads.

The main job of speaker attributes and beats is to let the reader know who’s speaking. Usually, they should not call attention to themselves. And a speaker attribute should be a valid way someone could speak.

After the examples below, see if you can revise the conversations to focus more on the content of the conversation than how something is said. Use words in the dialogue or character’s actions to show how the speaker feels.

Dialogue Between Talking Heads

image by geralt

 

“Why’d you say that?”

“I was telling the truth.”

“What you said about me was far from the truth.”

“What did I say that was untrue?”

“You know very well that I didn’t steal Mandi’s boyfriend.”

“I saw you flirting with him.”

“You’re mean.”

“What about you?”

“I’m not mean.”

“Says you.”

Notice the conversation is like two heads are talking. Did you get lost as to who said which line by the end?

Overbearing or Impossible Speaker Attributes

 

image by Kabaldesch0

“Why’d you do that?” Meredith fumed.

“I was telling the truth.” Cal grated.

“What you said about me was far from the truth,” Meredith threw back.

“What did I say that was untrue?” Cal defended.

“You know very well that I didn’t steal Mandi’s boyfriend,” Meredith seethed.

“I saw you flirting with him.” Cal accused.

Fumed, grated, threw, defended, and seethed are not valid ways a person speaks. How does one fume or defend words out of their mouths?

In Cal’s last statement, his words show he accused Meredith of flirting. The author had no need to explain or tell that’s what Cal did.

Too Much He said, She said

 

“Why’d you do that?” she said.

“I was telling the truth,” he said.

“What you said about me was far from the truth,” she said.

“What did I say that was untrue?” he said.

“You know very well that I didn’t steal Mandi’s boyfriend,” she said.

“I saw you flirting with him,” he said.

An Improved Rewrite

 

image by b0red

“Why’d you do that?” Meredith asked.

Cal stared at her. “I was telling the truth.”

“What you said about me was far from the truth, Cal.”

“What did I say that was untrue?”

She clamped her hands on her hips. “You know very well that I didn’t steal Mandi’s boyfriend.”

“I saw you flirting with him.” His gaze drilled hers. “Do you deny that?”

Use only speaker attributes and beats that improve dialogue for the reader. Click to tweet.

I invite you to share your rewrite in the comments.

 

Amazon Link

Amanda Larrowe’s lack of trust sabotages her relationships. The English teacher and award-winning author of middle-grade adventure books for boys has shut off communication with friends and family to meet her January 2 book deadline. Now, in the deepest snow accumulation Richmond, Virginia has experienced in years, Camden Lancaster moves in across the street. After ten years, her heart still smarts from the humiliating aftermath of their perfect high school Valentine’s Day date. He may have transformed into a handsome, amiable man, but his likeability doesn’t instill trust in Amanda’s heart. When Cam doesn’t recognize her on their first two encounters, she thinks it’s safe to be his fair-weather neighbor. Boy is she wrong.