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What Two Experts Say About Writing Dialogue

Oct 15, 2015 | Writing | 6 Comments

“What’s the first thing acquisition editors look for when they begin reading a fiction submission? … ‘The first thing I do is find a scene with some dialogue. If the dialogue doesn’t work, the manuscript gets bounced. If it’s good, I start reading.’” —Renni Browne and Dave King (Self-Editing for Fiction Writers)

image by geralt

For me, dialogue:

Brings characters alive with personality and moral character.
Moves the plot along.
Supplies information in a way that’s often more interesting than narration.
Breaks up narration and furnishes a delightful interlude.

The following quotes are from Self-Editing for Fiction Writers —Renni Browne and Dave King. Examples are mine.

image by WikimediaImages

Explaining your dialogue.

“When your dialogue is well written, describing your characters’ emotions to your readers is just as patronizing as a playwright running onto the stage and yelling at the audience. … Resist the Urge to Explain (R.U.E.)”

“If you show how she is astonished through her dialogue or through a beat, then your readers will know a little more about her.”
- Examples (Before-B and After-A):

B. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said in irritation.

A. He whisked off his glasses and rapped them against the document. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

B. “Oh, Suz. I love what you’ve done. I really do,” Liza gushed.

A. Lisa clasped her hands under her chin. “Oh, Suz. I love what you’ve done. I really do.” (Obvious gushing.)

B. “I’m not sure … I know what you’re talking about,” John said guardedly.

A. John lowered his brow and stepped back. “I’m not sure … I know what you’re talking about.”

The following quotes are from The Art & Craft of Writing Christian Fiction —Jeff Gerke. Examples are mine.

Sticking to said.

“Why do [novelists] feel that said wouldn’t work? To avoid using said they insist that their characters not say words but growl, proclaim, or laugh them out, as if such a thing were possible. Try moaning out words. Go on, try it. You’re either moaning or you’re speaking not both. … Anything but said is painfully visible.”
- image by Fotari70D4
  Example:

B. “I’ve got to wash the floor all over again,” Sandi groaned.

A. “Oh nooo! Now I’ve got to wash the floor all over again,” Sandi said.

Sounding authentic.

“What I mean by authentic is that dialogue must be realistic, layered, and right for the character and the moment.”

“Realistic dialogue is not formal or polite.”
- Example: “Now I must wash the floor again,” Sandi said.

image by stux

“Dialogue carries layers of meaning beneath the surface of the words actually uttered.”
- Example: “Thanks a lot,” Sandi said, glaring at the muddy footprints.

“If you had, say, three characters speaking together and you removed all beats and speech attributes … the reader still ought to be able to know which character is speaking at any time.”

“By how he speaks, what he thinks about that comes out in his words, by the vocabulary he chooses, by his syntax and grammar and length of sentences.”

Example: Which is Sandi, her mother, and her husband?

“Oh nooo! Now I’ve got to wash the floor all over again.”

“Oops. Sorry, hon. Guess wiping my boots on the garage mat wasn’t enough, huh?”

“I’ll make quick work of cleaning up the mud. You two sit outside and enjoy a few minutes rest together.”

Heed these 2 experts’ teachings and make your dialogue shine. Click to tweet.

What do you enjoy most about good dialogue?

6 Questions to Ask to Take Your Paragraphs from Blah to Ah

Oct 8, 2015 | Writing | 2 Comments

“I huff and puff and struggle with every sentence, paragraph and page – sometimes every word as well.” — Aidan Chambers

image by Openicons

Ask these 6 questions about your paragraphs. I’ll use the following paragraph as an example.

¹Before the fateful telephone call, Ella put cut up peaches on a baking sheet. ²She thought Cal would be glad she’d made dried peaches this winter when he ate them. ³She opened the oven door, after the she checked that the oven was up to the low heat needed, and put the baking sheet in. ⁴She heard her cell on the counter go off. ⁵She thought it was Cal calling. ⁶He was probably ready for her to drive over to the school and pick him up. ⁷She answered her cell.

image by szjeno09190

Question 1: Will the reader feel as if she’s inside the character’s point-of-view?

When the author mentions the future fateful call (sentence 1), he takes us out of Ella’s point of view and lessens our later surprise.

He also intrudes and tells us that Ella thinks (2 & 5) and hears (4). In her point-of-view, Ella would simply think and hear.

Question 2: Have you varied opening-sentence words, and do you end sentences with words that give readers a sense of the sentences’ meaning?

Five sentences start with she. Repetitive.

Each ending word in sentences 2, 3, 4, and 6 leave the reader with no gist of the sentences’ meanings (them, in, off, up).

Question 3: Are actions ordered as Ella experiences them?

In Ella’s point of view, she couldn’t know yet that a fateful phone call would soon occur (1).

We learn Ella checked whether the oven was up to heat, after she opened the oven door (3).

image by ClkeFreeVectorImages

Question 4: Does too much action description slow the pace?

Do we need to know Ella checked the heat and opened the door (3)? These actions say too much about putting peaches in the oven and slow the story.

Question 5: Can you find better descriptive words and reduce wordy phrases?

Drab verbs: be, ate (2); put (4); and go (4)

Wordiness: would be glad, when he ate them (2); up to the low heat needed, go off (4); and to drive over to the school (6).

Question 6: Are sentences confusing?

Does sentence 2 mean Cal will be glad this winter, or did Ella make the dried fruit this winter?

A Better Rewrite:

image by domeckopol

Ella arranged peach slices on a baking sheet. Cal would appreciate her efforts when he snacked on the sweet dried fruit during cold winter days. As she slid the sheet into the oven, her cell on the counter played its jazzy tune. Maybe that was Cal, ready to come home from football practice. She wiped sticky juice from her hands and grabbed the phone.

Note:

Arranged, appreciate, slid, played, and grabbed are strong verbs.

Opening-sentence words are varied.

Baking sheet, winter days, jazzy tune, football practice, and phone all leave us with an aspect of what the sentences are about.

The author never intrudes, and we’re in the “now” in Ella’s thoughts and actions.

The upbeat actions and descriptions will increase the impact of the “fateful call.”

The unedited paragraph is 90 words. The second is 64 with more colorful description.

Use these 6 questions to polish dull paragraphs. Click to tweet.

Can you improve the rewrite?

16 Words You May Avoid Because You Can’t Recall 8 Rules

Oct 1, 2015 | Writing | 8 Comments

“[Word usage is] something teachers generally expect you to pick up on your own, and it’s the thing you’re most likely to get skewered for if you screw up.” — Mignon Fogarty

image by geralt

Below are common word-usage errors. My resources are Mignon Fogarty’s Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing and Kathy Ide’s Proofreading Secrets of Best-Selling Authors.

8 Common Word-Usage Errors

Awhile / a while – Stay for a while (or awhile)?

“Stay for a while” is correct.

In a while, while is a noun.

Awhile is an adverb

An adverb can’t be the object of a preposition, so here are the correct ways to use awhile and a while.

“Stay for a while.”

“Stay awhile.”

Bad / badly – I feel bad (or badly)?

“I feel bad” is correct.

Badly follows action verbs. He wrote badly.

The adjective bad follows linking verbs, such as feel, smell, and am.

From Fogarty:

“When you say, ‘I feel badly,’ the adverb badly relates to the action verb feel. Since the action verb feel can mean “to touch things,” feeling badly can mean you’re having trouble touching things.”

image by ClkerFreeVectorImages
Blond / blonde – The blond (or blonde) shook his fist.

“The blond shook his fist” is correct.

According to Ide, blond is the adjective and noun used when referring to a man or boy. The blond boy followed the blond named Bill.

Blonde is the adjective and noun used for females. The blonde policewoman cuffed the voluptuous blonde.

Exception: In writing articles, the adjective blond is used for both genders.

Clench / clinch – He clinched (or clenched) his jaw.

“He clenched his jaw” is correct.

Think closing for clench and securing an agreement for clinch.

Ide’s examples:

“Melissa clenched her teeth when Myra clenched her fist.”

“Jeanette’s evidence clinched the argument.”

Might / may – I may (or might) win an Oscar when I grow up.

“I might win an Oscar…” is correct.

From Fogarty:

“If something is likely to happen, use may.”

“If something is a mighty stretch, use might.”

image by mammela

6. Passed / past – They passed (or past) the house.

“They passed the house” is correct.

Passed is a verb.

Past can be:

An adjective. My acting career is past.

A preposition. She walked past the couple.

A noun. All her memories centered on the recent past.

Like / as – I ran like (or as if) a monster pursued me.

“I ran as if a monster pursued me” is correct.

Fogarty: “The proper way to differentiate between like and as is to use like when no verbs follow.”

Or equally as good:

Ide: “Use as when comparing phrases and clauses that contain a verb. … Use like to compare nouns and pronouns.”

So, “I ran like the wind.”

Raise / rise – I always raise (or rise) from my chair when ladies enter.

“I always rise…” is correct.

The verb raise needs an object; rise doesn’t. Johnny raised his hand. Johnny rose.

You can master correcting these 8 common word-usage errors. Click to tweet.

What words do you misuse? Does your publisher disagree with any of the above?

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