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Dear Reader,
You have blessed me this past year. I pray God blesses you and your family during this time of celebration and your Christmas is filled with joy.
Merry Christmas
Warmly,
Wishes for You
Keep Characters’ Actions Linear & Put Readers in Their Shoes
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If your character acts in real time, the reader will move along with and feel closer to, the character. This means the author never tells actions before they happen.
In the paragraph below look for five instances in which the author tells an action before it happens. Try rewriting the paragraph so all actions are linear. (Speaking dialogue is an action.)
Passage With Non-Linear Actions
As she buttoned her coat, Melissa spoke in earnest. “Listen to me, Alex. Jeanne is cheating on you.”
Alex couldn’t listen to Melissa for another second. Before he opened the apartment door for her, he leveled his gaze on hers. “You’re wrong.”
Later, he’d find out he was wrong, but for now, he based his opinion on what he knew about Jeanne. How was he to know Jeanne had cheated not only on him but on her first husband?
Melissa took off the coat he’d helped into minutes ago. “I’m staying until you hear evidence to the truth about Jeanne.”
Sentences That Aren’t Linear
- How could the point-of-view character, Alex, know Melissa spoke in earnest until she’d said the words? If the dialogue sounds like she spoke in earnest, this sentence could be left out.
- In real time, Alex levels his gaze on Melissa and then opens the door.
- The author intrudes and tells the reader Alex would later find out he was wrong.
- Yes. How would Alex know in the current conversation that Jeanne had cheated on her husband?
- Sometimes, to keep the plot moving, an author will summarize in a current scene what has happened between scenes. The summarized event wasn’t important enough to have its own scene. But Alex helping her into her coat is easy to put in the right place in this passage. Taking the reader back is an unnecessary interruption.
A Linear Passage
Alex helped Melissa into her coat.
She fastened buttons. “Listen to me, Alex. I don’t want to hurt you, but you need to know the truth. Jeanne is cheating on you.”
Alex couldn’t listen to Melissa for another second. He leveled his gaze on hers. “You’re wrong.” He opened the apartment door.
Melissa stood and studied him. She couldn’t be right, could she? He’d never seen or heard anything that pointed to Jeanne’s unfaithfulness.
Until now.
Melissa unbuttoned and removed her coat. “I’m staying until you hear evidence to the truth about Jeanne.”
Don’t you feel more intimate with what’s going on with and inside Alex in the rewrite?
Linear writing keeps readers inside the character’s body and mind as he acts and reacts. Click to tweet.
What other principles help you identify with a character?
Amanda Larrowe’s lack of trust sabotages her relationships. The English teacher and award-winning author of middle-grade adventure books for boys has shut off communication with friends and family to meet her January 2 book deadline. Now, in the deepest snow accumulation Richmond, Virginia has experienced in years, Camden Lancaster moves in across the street. After ten years, her heart still smarts from the humiliating aftermath of their perfect high school Valentine’s Day date. He may have transformed into a handsome, amiable man, but his likeability doesn’t instill trust in Amanda’s heart. When Cam doesn’t recognize her on their first two encounters, she thinks it’s safe to be his fair-weather neighbor. Boy is she wrong.
Vary Sentence Lengths to Give Your Paragraphs a Pleasing Rhythm
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Try reading your paragraphs aloud or have your electronic reader read them to you. I like my electronic reader because I catch more problems listening to his monotone diction. I catch repeated words, extra words, misplaced words, and places I need him to pause. But one problem stands out more than these. I realize how off-putting several sentences with the same length sound.
See if you can rewrite the following two paragraphs so they have varied sentence lengths and the reading flows better.
Too Many Short Sentences
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She arrived at Ellington House. She glided into the room. His melancholy took a joyous turn. Her absence had been too long. Her face dimmed in his memory. But her beauty was unsurpassed. He approached her. He kissed her hand. She smiled coyly. His heart melted. He wanted her by his side. He must have her as his wife.
Number of words in the sentences: 5, 5, 6, 6, 6, 5, 3, 4, 3, 3, 6, 7
Sometimes it may be only a few short sentences in a row within a paragraph that throw the flow off. However, a few short sentences used for emphasis at the end of a paragraph often works.
Too Many Long Sentences
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When she arrived at Ellington House and glided into the room, his melancholy took a joyous turn, making him realize her absence from him had been much too long and had sorely dimmed his memory of her lovely face. But her beauty was unsurpassed, so he approached her with his gaze upon her, and taking her hand, brushed his lips against her skin, eliciting a coy smile from her full lips. His heart, which had hardened to stone over the years, melted like an icicle in early spring, and at that moment, she made him long to have her forever by his side as his beloved wife.
Number of words in a sentence: 39, 32, 36
This type of paragraph can become tedious to read.
Varied Sentence Lengths
When she arrived at Ellington House and glided into the room, his melancholy took a joyous turn. Her absence had been too long, dimming his memory of her face. But her beauty was unsurpassed. He approached her, took her hand, and lifted her fingers to his lips. She returned a coy smile. His stone heart melted like an icicle in spring. At that moment, he determined he must have her forever by his side as his wife.
Number of words in a sentence: 17, 12, 5, 13, 5, 9, 16
Vary the length of sentences to give paragraphs a pleasing tempo. Click to tweet.
How do you check your writing for a readable rhythm?
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