Power Up Your Paragraphs – It’s Fun

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The Exercise

Pick a paragraph from your first draft or even from a book. Circle the

  • nouns,
  • verbs,
  • adjective, and
  • adverbs.

Circle them. Then use your imagination, thesaurus, or Flip Dictionary by Barbara Ann Kipfer. Ph.D. and see if you can replace each circled word with a word that gives a more powerful image. 

Caution: We’re not trying to make the object, action, or description more intense than what is really happening in the paragraph, i.e. we’re not going for melodrama. 

Let’s look at three examples that show a bland, powerful, and melodramatic paragraph. For your first round, try not to rewrite the paragraph, which might be the best solution. For now, we’re trying to think of more powerful, image-producing words. Of course, you’ll find that one word is more powerful than two or a phrase, so go ahead and replace those with the one word.

image by Harold_Landsrath

Bland

The oncoming train’s horn tooted. A couple of children sitting on the train deck picked up their toys, put them in small bags, and hurried after the moving train. An old man worked hard to stand from his chair and followed them. Many other happy people ran around the old man, brushing against him. When the train stopped, people hollered as military men came off the train.

Powerful

The approaching locomotive’s whistle blasted. Two boys kneeling on the station platform gathered their marbles, stuffed their aggies and shooters into string-tied pokes, and raced toward the chugging train. A time-worn senior struggled to rise from the station bench and trailed the boys. A joyous throng streamed past the octogenarian, jostling against the man. When the engine stopped, the crowd cheered as soldiers spilled from the train. 

Melodramatic

The barreling mechanical snake’s siren screamed. Two imps sprawled on the cement slab grabbed their dice, crammed them into metal-studded pockets, and hurdled toward the train. An ancient geezer cracked his back as he removed his haunches from the metal seat and pursued the scallywags. Other ecstatic people galloped past the senile codger, knocking him flat. When the coach stopped, the mob shrieked as combatants stormed off the train. 

Although the melodramatic version uses power words. It fails to retain the spirit of the original, although bland, paragraph. 

What words would you have used for the power version?


Buy Link

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Zoe McCarthy’s book, Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days, is a fresh and innovative refocusing of your novel or novella. Through a few simple—and fun—steps, Zoe helps writers take their not-ready-for-publication and/or rejected manuscripts to a spit-polish finish. Writing is hard work, yes, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. —Eva Marie Everson, best-selling and multiple award-winning author, conference director, president of Word Weavers International, Inc.

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Your Words Can Possess Power – It’s Your Choice

“Mark Twain said, ‘The right word is to the nearly right word as lightning is to the lightning bug.’ Fill your book with lightning.” — Robert Littell

Caveman

It’s our choice to choose the word that gives our sentence the most power in creating a robust image in the reader’s mind. Often, power words don’t naturally pop into our heads.

What? Take the time to think about all 80,000 words in our manuscripts? Good news. You need to deliberate only the verbs, adjectives, and nouns.

From Wimpy to Forceful

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Eric gave Elle the paper. I picture Eric extending the paper to Elle and her taking it. And maybe this is enough, if you’re simply getting the paper into Elle’s hand. You intend to call little attention to the action. You want your readers to focus on more important actions or items in your paragraph.

But even in the no-special-attention instance “gave” can be improved. And “paper” can be more specific. How about: Eric handed Elle the letter.

But look at the sentence in the following contexts. You might go through this process armed with a thesaurus/dictionary.

1.  Anger. Elle has presented Eric with divorce papers. Eric is incensed.

Gave⇒handed⇒pushed⇒shoved⇒thrust⇒threw⇒flung⇒hurled

Paper⇒pages⇒document⇒divorce papers⇒divorce contract⇒life death sentence

Eric flung the divorce papers at Elle.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2.  Joy. Eric presents his first book contract to Elle.

Gave⇒handed⇒waved⇒flapped

Paper⇒document⇒contract⇒book contract

As Eric strode toward Elle, he flapped the book contract. She whisked it from his grasp, examined it, and then danced him around the dining table.

3.  Awe. Eric has discovered a Biblical document in a cave.

Gave⇒handed⇒presented⇒laid⇒deposited⇒slid⇒settled⇒rested

Paper⇒document⇒fragment⇒scroll fragment

Eric rested the ancient scroll fragment on Elle’s upturned palms.

Image courtesy of aopsan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image courtesy of aopsan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I recommend you equip your writing desk with a copy of Flip Dictionary: For when you know what you want to say but can’t think of the word.

Have on⇒put on⇒grace⇒supply⇒equip

Words can stimulate vivid images in your readers’ minds. So choose good ones. Click to tweet.

In the context of jealousy, how would you power-up the example sentence?