Does Your Scene’s Pace Match Its Mood?

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Possible Scene Moods

  • sorrowful
  • lazy (might come as a break after a particularly harsh scene)
  • fearful
  • humorous (could be part of a light genre or provide a rest after a scary scene)
  • suspenseful

For pace, focus on:

  • actions
  • sentence length (whether fast- or slow-paced, mix in some short and long sentences)
  • words

Let’s look at two examples.

Examples

A man joins a dinner party.

Sorrowful

image by derGestalter

Edmund trailed other hushed mourners into Chad’s dining room. At one end of the table, he dragged a heavy chair out, leaving shallow ruts in the carpet. He sank to the seat, and his head drooped forward until his chin rested on his chest. How long would river rocks weigh down his heart? He stared at the black napkin rolled and trapped in a black plastic ring next to his china plate. Someone at the far end of the table chuckled. Edmund floated his gaze upward to see what kind of person was amused in the dismalness of Margo’s death. 

Analysis: The pace is slow.

Actions are slow, drawn out, or heavy: trailed, dragged, sank, drooped, rested, weight, stared, trapped, floated 

Sentence lengths are nine words or longer—100%. Fifteen prepositional phrases.

Words speak of quietness and sadness: hushed, mourners, heavy, ruts, down, black, dismalness, death. Even chuckled is a quiet laugh, and been amused is low-key compared to experienced laughter.

Suspenseful

image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images

Edmund led suspects into Chad’s dining room. Midtable, he hauled back a chair and sat. One by one, he scrutinized six anxious guests. Blondie twitched. Mr. Mustache shook. All looked away. Edmond snorted, stabbed his bloody beef medallion, and crammed it into his mouth. He chewed, swallowed, and glugged his red wine. Someone heaved a derogatory sigh. Edmund shot to his feet and strode to the culprit. Captain Round Glasses blanched. Edmund grabbed his jacket and hoisted him off his chair. “You’ll sizzle first on my grill for Margo’s death.”

Analysis: The pace moves the story forward.

Actions are fast, decisive, or harsh: led, hauled, twitched, shook, snorted, stabbed, crammed, chewed, swallowed, glugged, shot, strode, grabbed, hoisted. 

Sentence lengths are short—only four are nine words or longer—36%. Only five prepositional phrases.

Words pound out accusation, fear, obnoxiousness, and roughness: suspects, scrutinized, anxious, bloody, derogatory, culprit, blanched, sizzle, grill, death. 

What paragraph would you write for a lazy or humorous passage?


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